


Careful What You Wish For

by NeverAndAlways



Series: In a Little While [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Cute Kids, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gen, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Not Beta Read, Parents Castiel & Dean Winchester, Post Mpreg, Pregnancy, Pregnant Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-03-19 12:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3609912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverAndAlways/pseuds/NeverAndAlways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Formerly 'Two Steps Forward, One Step Back'; changed the title because I realized there was another fic with the same title.)</p><p>Sequel to "In a Little While" (http://archiveofourown.org/works/2279238/chapters/5008506). Check the tags before you read!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happily ever after

"Incoming!"

Dean staggered through the apartment door, laden with a full-to-bursting cardboard box. "Sammy?" he called. "Need a hand, here!" his brother appeared and grabbed one end of the box, and together they carried it into the other room, where they set it down with a THUD amid a cluster of other boxes. Dean sat heavily on the floor beside it. "Just a couple more, then I think we're done..." he massaged his shoulder with a grimace.

"I'll get 'em. You stay here." said Sam, and hurried away before his brother could protest.

Dean glanced around. They were only half moved-in and there were boxes from hell to breakfast, but it was a nice little apartment. Two bedrooms, a real kitchen, and picture windows in a living room just the right size for kids to run around in...good god, when did he become so domestic? Not too long ago, his biggest concern was whether he knew the right code for a client's project; but that was before he met Castiel. In the space of just a few months he'd befriended a pregnant homeless man, moved said man and his newborn into his apartment, and fallen in love with the guy. It had turned his life completely upside-down, and the two years that followed had been some of the happiest (albeit craziest) of his life.

Speaking of Castiel...Dean looked over his shoulder. His fiance was on the sofa, slowly sorting and folding clothes from the box beside him. "How you doin' over there?" Dean called to him. Cas looked up and gave him a tired smile.

"Well enough..." he set a rather worn Led Zepplin T-shirt on the floor by his feet. Then he leaned back, put one hand on his abdomen, and rested his head on the back of the sofa with a sigh. "I just don't remember it being this bad."

"Maybe you should get something to eat." suggested Dean. Cas made a face.

"Ugh, no. I don't even want to think about food right now."

"Well, you'll have to at some point." Dean went over to the sofa and moved the box of clothes. He sat down next to Cas and leaned in to plant a kiss just above his ear, then another on his jaw. Cas' eyes slid shut. "Once we're done getting the boxes moved in," said Dean in an undertone, placing his hand on top of Cas', "what do you say we go out to dinner? Sam won't mind watching Matteo for a few more hours, and we can have some time to ourselves." Cas hummed in agreement; Dean planted a kiss on his cheekbone and continued. "We could get Chinese food, or Italian, or we could go to that cafe down the street..."

"Dean."

"...or maybe we could get burgers at that diner you really like-"

"- **Dean**...!" Cas' eyes flew open. Dean had just enough time to notice the tinge of green on his face before Cas pushed his hand aside, jumped up from the sofa, and sprinted away.

"Bathroom's down the hall!" Dean called after him. The door slammed; he quickly covered his ears to block the sounds that followed. Maybe dinner wasn't such a good idea...

Footsteps at the door heralded Sam's return. He carried a box under each arm, and Matteo trotted happily at his side. The little boy made a beeline for Dean.

"He was asking for you." Sam explained as Matteo climbed onto the couch. He kicked the door shut and ambled in to set his boxes with the others. "These are the last ones." he scanned the room. "Where'd Cas go?" Dean jerked his head in the direction of the bathroom; a muffled groan came from behind the door. "...Oh. Is he okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, I think so. I just hope it clears up; I don't want him to spend the big day feeling like crap..."

"What's crap?" Cas shuffled into the room; his face was gray and there were circles beneath his eyes. He leaned on the wall, hugging his sides.

"Nothing, we're just talking. How are you feeling?" Dean asked. Cas grunted noncommitally.

Matteo glanced up from the box he was investigating, and his face lit up. "Daddy!"

"Hello, Matteo." Cas croaked. Then to Dean: "I'm going to bed. Let's...take a rain check on dinner." then he turned and walked out of the apartment, leaving Dean and Sam staring after him.

oOo

A few days later, the apartment already looked much more like a home. Boxes still sat here and there around the living room, and in the middle of it all, ensconced in a blanket on the sofa, were Dean and Matteo. Matteo was nestled into Dean's side, holding half of a book in one tiny hand.

"'There was a little turtle. He lived in a box...'" Dean read slowly.

"Turtle!" Matteo declared. He pointed triumphantly at the page. "Him in a box."

"That's right, he is. 'He swam in a puddle. He climbed on the rocks. He snapped at a mosquito. He snapped at a flea. He snapped at a minnow-"

"Wha's minnow?"

"It's a little fish."

"Oh. Baby fish?"

"Maybe, yeah. 'He snapped at a minnow, and he snapped at me. He caught the mosquito. He caught the flea. He caught the minnow. But he didn't catch me."

Matteo let out a belly laugh. "Again!"

"Maybe later, buddy. It's naptime." Dean closed the book with a *snap*. Matteo looked crestfallen. "How 'bout you go climb in bed? I'll be there in a sec."

"'Tay." the little boy slid off the sofa and trundled away to his room. Dean stood up, stretched, and was putting his book away when he heard the door slam. He turned around; Sam was in the doorway, pulling off his coat as though it had personally insulted him.

"You're early." he remarked. Sam had agreed to come over and help with Matteo until Cas got home, but Dean wasn't expecting him for a few hours yet.

Sam snorted. "I know."

"Didn't you have a date with Gabriel...?"

"I **did**. Son of a bitch stood me up."

"...Oh." Dean tried to look sympathetic. He'd never liked Gabriel, largely because of how he treated Cas; it was even worse when he learned that Sam was sleeping with the guy. So he was hard-pressed not to be smug about this news. "What, uh...what happened?"

"He said something came up at the shop. Someone called in sick and he had to cover their shift. I dunno." Sam hung up his coat. Then he scanned the room. "Where's Matt?"

"'Bout to take a nap. Look, Sammy..." Dean moved so he and his brother were face-to-face. "I know you know how I feel about Gabe-"

"Dean, I am really not in the mood for a lecture."

"Just hear me out, okay? I know you know how I feel about him, but...you think maybe this should be a red flag? Y'know, that I might actually be right?"

Sam sighed. "These things happen. We can just reschedule."

"Yeah, these things happen- once, maybe twice. But he's done this before, Sammy. This isn't a one-time thing with him."

Sam looked away, jaw clenched, and said nothing.

"I know you like him; I'm fine with that. You can sleep with the guy all you want, I really don't care. But you're fresh outta college. I think you deserve someone a lot better."

Sam stared coldly at his brother for a moment. "Are we done?" he said at last. Dean sighed.

"We're done." he'd made his point, even if most of it had gone in one ear and out the other. He started down the hall toward Matteo's room. Then he turned. "At least think about it, okay?" But Sam was already gone.

oOOo


	2. A family affair

The apartment door creaked open and shut. There was a jingling of keys and a great deal of rustling as Dean and Castiel tried to do multiple things at once; Cas in particular was juggling a box of invitations, a coat and a cellphone. The cellphone he held to his ear with one shoulder; the coat he tossed in the closet. Dean, meanwhile, tried to peel Matteo out of his jacket and hat.

"...Yes, I understand. That would be fine...she would be more than welcome. I will send you the address as soon as- oh, he did?...well, I would be honored if you could attend...yes. We will send out invitations within a few weeks. You too. I hope to see you there." Cas hung up and set both the phone and his box on the kitchen table. Dean came in after him, having extracted Matteo from his jacket and set him loose.

"Who was that?" he asked, setting his own box on the table beside Cas'.

"Charlie Bradbury. She got your message asking her to help with the wedding." Cas stood on his toes and stretched as he spoke.

"And?"

"I believe the word she used was 'sweet'. Her girlfriend might be attending as well."

Dean laughed. "Awesome. Two more people to add to the list."

Cas nodded his agreement and sat down at the table. It was covered in various papers and envelopes, and Dean's laptop sat open at one end; Cas began sifting through the papers, humming as he worked. Dean smiled at him from the kitchen.

"You're in a good mood."

"I am beginning to feel like myself again." Cas said, folding papers into an envelope.

"I'd sure as hell hope so. You're at...what, nine weeks?"

"Eleven." Cas paused to put a hand to his belly, which wasn't really a belly at all yet.

"Mm. Guess we'll have to get you some maternity clothes soon, huh?" Dean smirked, and ducked as his fiance threw a wadded-up paper at his head. "Kidding, kidding." he returned to rummaging in the fridge. In the living room, Matteo happily banged on the side of a box. "I still can't believe we're havin' a baby."

"Maybe we'll even be married by the time it arrives." Cas sighed. He leaned over and turned the computer on.

"What do you mean?" Dean emerged from the kitchen with two string cheeses, one of which he handed to Cas.

"This." Cas made a sweeping gesture toward the mess of papers. "There are barely three months left until the wedding and we have yet to send out invitations, or decide where the ceremony will be, or the honeymoon..."

"We'll figure it out, Cas." Dean assured him. "It's gonna be fine." His fiance just shook his head and went back to sorting papers. Suddenly there was a scuffling and little noises of effort from somewhere near Cas' feet; moments later, Matteo appeared in the chair next to his. He smiled and ruffled the little boy's dark curls. Matteo squeaked and wriggled away from his hand.

"Hey champ!" Dean greeted him.

Matteo ignored him in favor of picking up a large manila envelope. "What dis?"

"Those are pictures." Cas explained as he clicked away on the laptop.

"Oh." Matteo upended the envelope and shook it; photos flew out and scattered across the table. His father groaned.

"Matteo, please don't. Those are daddy's pictures."

But the little boy's interest had already wandered. With one little hand on the photos, he leaned across the table and reached for the open box of invitations. Dean, sensing the approaching chaos, swooped in and picked him up from the chair. "Hey," he said brightly, "I don't think daddy wants to play right now. Why don't you go pick out a book, and Pop will read you a story while daddy works?"

Matteo considered this for a moment. "'Tay." he conceded, and stumped away to the bookshelf when Dean put him down. Cas mouthed a silent 'thank you' as his fiance left the room. Matteo made their lives hectic enough already; a new baby would be an adventure for all of them.

oOo

The phone trilled noisily; Dean practically sprinted to answer it. He'd just gotten Matteo to sleep not ten minutes prior, the last thing he wanted was an overtired toddler.

"Hello?"

"Dean-o? It's Gabe." drawled the voice at the other end. "Is my little bro around?"

Dean so badly wanted to say no...he gritted his teeth. "Yeah, just a sec." Dean walked from the bedroom to the living room, where Cas was sitting on the couch with a book. "Cas? It's for you."

Cas answered the phone tentatively, and sagged a little at the sound of his brother's voice. "Hello, Gabriel." he sounded just as pleased as Dean had been. Dean hung around for a moment before ambling back to his bedroom. A beam of turquoise from Matteo's night-light shone through the cracked-open door; he pulled it shut and continued on his way. As he changed into his pajama pants and a T-shirt, he listened as surreptitiously as possible to the conversation in the other room.

"...but you aren't thinking of inviting our parents, are you?...good. No, I didn't think so, but I wanted to ask- I apologize. I just don't understand why you want to invite- well, because it's been almost six years since you last saw any of them! Gabriel..." a heavy sigh from the living room. "I am three months pregnant, I have a two-year-old, I am in the process of moving into an apartment, and I am attempting to plan a wedding. Frankly, the last thing I want to do right now is deal with my siblings...yes, you are still invited, I didn't mean...look, it's late. Come over tomorrow and we can talk more about it...no, I'm not angry. Just tired. We will talk more later." the phone beeped, and there was silence. Dean was about to go out to the living room when Cas appeared in the bedroom doorway. He was glaring at the phone in his hand.

"What did Gabe want?" asked Dean.

Cas shook his head. "He wants to invite our siblings to the wedding." the words came out in an exhausted tumble. Cas pulled off his sweater and exchanged it for one of Dean's band T-shirts. Then he sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his belly absently, as though that action alone had worn him out. Dean stood and stared.

"All of 'em??"

"No, no. At least I hope not...only one or two. Balthazar, maybe Anna. Or Michael." he dragged his hands through his hair. "He says he would take care of inviting them and getting to and from the wedding, but I know he wouldn't. Something would conveniently come up, and I would end up doing it for him. It's just one more thing to deal with, and I don't know if I can talk him out of it."

"Hey." Dean sat on the bed next to his fiance and draped an arm around his shoulders. "We're running this wedding, remember? Not him. This is gonna be **our** big day. If you don't want them to be there, I'll tell him."

"He'd talk you into it anyway."

"I won't let him. And if I have to, I can have Sammy put a bug in his ear about it."

Cas looked horrified. "Why would you-"

"Figure of speech, Cas. Means I'll have Sam talk to him."

"...Oh."

"Look, Cas, you've got enough to deal with right now. I don't want you stressing out over this."

"Too late."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do." Cas sighed, turned and brought their lips together in a brief kiss. "And I appreciate your concern. But I'll be fine." He stood up long enough to put on a pair of sweatpants, then returned to the bed. Once they were both settled and the lights were off, he leaned in to give Dean a proper kiss. "Goodnight, Dean." he said drowsily.

"'Night."

"...I love you."

oOOo 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the story so far, please leave a comment- I'd love to hear from you!


	3. And then there were two

When Castiel was little- six, maybe seven -his brothers Michael and Gabriel took him for a ride on a rollercoaster. Even now, at 23, he remembers it clearly: Up, down, and around, faster and faster, higher and higher, plunging toward the ground only to shoot back into the sky...these past three months have been a lot like that. Planning a wedding, looking after a two-year-old, and navigating a difficult first trimester have left him feeling pretty out of control. There's still so much to do, and it feels like nothing is ready. At least he has Dean to help him through it (and Sam, to a lesser extent; he's dealing with his own issues). His fiance has been so supportive, even when he's just as stressed. Matteo, on the other hand...Cas loves his son. He really does. But right now, the Terrible Twos are in full swing, and sometimes he wishes he could just put the kid in a box until he turns 18. So many tantrums. How did his own parents go through this six times without going crazy or selling him and his siblings to the circus?

One thing's for sure: his life is rarely boring.

oOo

"...Okay, final count. We have Sam, Charlie-"

"Daddy?"

"-Just a moment. Charlie, Ellen and Jo, Bobby-"

"Daddy!"

"-Wait please, Matteo. Bobby, Chuck, Benny, Gabriel-"

"Daddyyy!"

"-I'm busy right now. Gabriel, and Kevin and his mother-"

"Daddyyyyy!!"

"-and maybe Balthazar and Anna if we can't talk Gabriel out of it. **Yes** , Matteo?" Castiel put down his paper with a sigh. It had been like this all morning. Matteo seemed to sense that there were plans being made which didn't involve him, and he was trying his hardest to stay in the spotlight. The little boy stood at Cas' feet wearing a very dramatic pout. One hand held a toy car; the other, a wheel. He held them up.

"Broken." he said sadly.

"Uh-oh." said Dean from across the table. "How'd that happen?"

"It fall and got broken." Matteo jammed the wheel ineffectively against the side of the car, then held them up to Castiel again. "Fix it, daddy?"

"Can you remember the magic word?"

Matteo thought hard. "...Peas?"

"Close enough." Cas took the car and the wheel from his son's grasp. While Matteo watched, he turned the car around in his hands- it was a tiny '67 Impala, a gift from Sam. Matteo loved the thing. And it seemed pretty thoroughly broken. He tried to fit the wheel back in place; the axle had snapped off in the middle, and the remaining piece was nowhere to be seen. Very thoroughly broken. Not even superglue could fix this one. He turned back to his son, who was watching expectantly. "I don't know if I can fix it, Matteo. I'm sorry." Almost immediately the little boy's face crumpled, and he let out the kind of earsplitting whine that only a toddler can do. Cas gritted his teeth. Matteo had always been this way: everything was either wonderful, or absolutely tragic. "Matteo, I know you're upset..." he began, but the words were lost in his son's wail of distress. He waited- these little outbursts usually resolved themselves quickly -but the kid barely even stopped to breathe. So he put the car on the table and crouched down until he was eye-to-eye with the screaming toddler. "Matteo," he said again, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder. The crying stuttered to a halt. "Just because the wheel came off, doesn't mean you can't still play with your car. Look-" he plucked it off the table and ran it back and forth across the linoleum. Matteo's eyes lit up; he grabbed the car and started to walk away.

"Hey, not so fast." said Dean across the table. "What d'you say to your dad?"

"T'ank you." Matteo chirped, and trundled away happily. Cas took his seat again.

"I don't know how much more of that I can take..." he said wearily. One hand went to his belly, and he grimaced.

"He knows we're stressed," said Dean. "he's just reacting to it." he narrowed his eyes. "You okay?"

"Fine. Just...cramps. I had them with Matteo as well, it's nothing..." he sat up and waved away Dean's suspicion. "I'm fine, Dean. Where were we?"

"Guest list."

"Right. Sam, Charlie, Ellen..."

 

oOo

"Cas? You getting up?"

"Nngh."

Castiel shuffled out of the bedroom looking, quite frankly, like he hadn't slept at all. He made his way down to the dining room, where he slid into a chair and put his head in his hands.

Dean peered at him. "You okay...?"

He groaned. "I feel terrible."

"Terrible how...?"

"The cramps haven't let up since last night...I feel like I'm going to pass out."

Dean walked out of the kitchen and stood across from Cas, hands flat on the table. "You sure this is normal?" he asked. "I don't remember you having it this bad when Matteo was on the way."

"I was in the second trimester when you met me."

"Well, what about the first?"

"...It wasn't this bad." Cas said quietly, almost like an admission of guilt. Dean regarded him thoughtfully for a moment. At the other end of the table, Matteo munched on a piece of toast.

"I don't like this, Cas." said Dean eventually. "Something's goin' on, and it's not good."

"Like what?" Cas rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I probably just caught a bug, from Matteo or something else. It will pass."

Matteo perked up at the sound of his name. He looked up at Cas, and his little hands drummed on the tabletop. "Daddy! Daddy daddy daddy guess what!"

"What?" Cas gave him a tired smile.

"We goin' to the zoo!!" The little boy looked like Christmas came early, but Cas shook his head.

"I don't think we are, Matteo. Daddy doesn't feel very good today."

The smile drained from Matteo's face as though a switch had been thrown. "No zoo...?" he whimpered.

"I have an idea." Dean suddenly chimed in. "How 'bout just you and me go to the zoo, kiddo? Daddy can stay home and rest." he said with a pointed glance at his fiance. "I'll even ask your Uncle Sam to come over and keep an eye on him, so he doesn't do any work while he's supposed to be taking a nap." this last sentence was directed more at Cas, but Matteo seemed to get the message. He promptly devoured the rest of his toast before climbing down from his chair and racing away to his bedroom, shouting over his shoulder for Dean to hurry up. Dean watched him go, then turned to Cas. "I'm serious," he continued. "I want you to rest today. Get whatever this is outta your system. Sam was already gonna come over to help unpack a few things; I'll just ask him to come over a little early." he leaned in and brushed a kiss to Cas' forehead. "You're stressing yourself out too much. I think the baby's tryna get you to tone it down."

Cas smirked at this. An impatient little voice shrilled from Matteo's room; he glanced toward it. "I believe you're being called."

"I believe I am." Dean ambled away down the hall. Cas waited until he was out of sight, then laid his head in his arms with a sigh.

-

Half an hour later, Dean and Matteo were packed and ready to go. Matteo had found his favorite toy dog and was practically vibrating with excitement. Sam had been summoned from down the hall; he was alternating between moving boxes and trying to stay out of the way. Cas had moved from the dining room all the way to the living room, and was stretched out on the sofa.

"Alright," said Dean at last, "I think we're ready. " he looked so much like a typical dad that Cas would have laughed if he could find the energy. His backpack was full to the brim with supplies, and he was carrying sunglasses and hats and bus tickets in one hand while trying to maneuver Matteo out the door. "You kids be good." he said over his shoulder. "Don't burn the place down while we're gone." he caught the corner of the door with his toe, and just barely had time to sign 'I love you' to Cas before it swung shut.

Cas laid back on the sofa and sighed. It was **quiet**...he might just get some rest, after all.

oOOo 


	4. Lost and Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter is full of angst. If you haven't already, check the tags before you read!

If you've ever ventured out in public with a small child, you'll know that it's not for the faint of heart. Dean and Matteo spent the better part of the day at the zoo; by the time they left, Dean's phone was dead and his feet were sore, Matteo was missing a shoe, and they were both worn out. The upside of this is that Matteo was very well-behaved for the bus ride home...the downside is that Dean couldn't stop thinking about Castiel. He was worried. This mystery illness had really thrown Cas for a loop, and that never happened. He couldn't help wondering if it was his fault. Were they trying to do too much too soon? Should they put off the wedding until after the baby was born? He pondered all the way home.

Matteo seemed to get his second wind once they reached the apartment building. He trotted in through the double doors and followed Dean into the elevator, chatting happily about all the things he was going to tell his dad.

"...An' we saw the elephants, an' they were really really REALLY big, an'...an' the tiger was sleepy, an' there was lotsa birds..."

The elevator doors slid open. Still talking, the little boy zoomed away down the hall, leaving Dean to trudge after him. He hovered excitedly at the door. "Pop, hurry UP!"

"Alright, I'm comin'..." Dean unlocked the door and pushed it open. Matteo streaked inside and disappeared, probably to his bedroom.

"We're home." said Dean. In case you didn't notice the thundering toddler. He slid the backpack off his shoulders and was unlacing his sneakers when he noticed the silence. "...Cas?" he called. "Sammy?"...no answer. What the hell is going on? He walked through the apartment, trying to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. They weren't in the bedrooms (not that he really expected them to be), which just left the kitchen; nothing there either- until something on the refrigerator caught his eye. He peered at it. It was a post-it note, written in Sam's neat, square hand: **GONE TO ER. CALL ME.**

Dean just stood there for a few seconds, staring at the note as though it might change if he looked hard enough. A feeling of numbness spread up his spine. Cas. Something had happened to Cas. Oh god...

Somehow he collected Matteo and got to the bus stop. He didn't quite remember how; his mind felt like it had been dunked in ice water. All he knew was that the trip to the hospital was the longest bus ride of his life.

-

"...Dean? Dean Winchester? Castiel is my fiance."

"I'm sorry, sir, I have no record of-"

"Dean!"

His head snapped around; Sam was running toward him down the clean, tiled hallway (and looking very out-of-place among the crisply-dressed nurses). "He's with me." he panted to the confused receptionist. She nodded and returned to her computer.

"Sammy! God, are you a sight for sore eyes." Dean pulled his brother into a hug with the one arm that wasn't holding Matteo. But his relief was short-lived. "Where is he?" Sam's face fell. "...Sammy?" Sam said nothing. Instead he turned, and motioned for Dean to follow.

The door to Castiel's room was ajar; Dean went right for it, but no sooner did his hand touch the handle than Sam stopped him. He looked up, and his brother's face was grim. Sam reached out to Matteo.

"Matt, why don't you come with me for a bit?" he said gently.

Matteo whined. His earlier tiredness had come back with a vengeance. "I wanna see daddy."

"You will, but how 'bout we go for a walk first?" Sam scooped Matteo up as he spoke. Then he nodded to Dean and strode away, with the little boy nestled groggily against his shoulder. Dean turned back to the door; suddenly, he didn't really want to go in. But Cas was in there, and he had to find out...he pulled the door open and slipped inside. It was a nice room, as hospitals go: softly-lit, with a couch underneath the big picture window. Machines blinked here and there around the room- and in the middle of it all was Castiel. He was half-sitting up in bed, staring blankly out the window, and he turned at the sound of the door. There was something in his eyes that made the knot in Dean's stomach even tighter.

Dean was at his side as fast as his feet could carry him. "Cas, I am so sorry. My phone was dead, I thought you'd be asleep, I didn't-" the words came tumbling out as soon as he opened his mouth, and for once Cas didn't try to stop him. He just curled up. He pulled his knees to his chest, put his arms around as much of Dean as he could reach, and leaned into him like a cat. And said nothing. His grip around Dean's middle was almost painful, but Dean didn't try to move him. He held onto him, and tried to make his heart stop pounding. Eventually he spoke again. "So what happened...?"

Cas slowly uncurled. "You left, and...the cramps got worse. There was blood." his voice was hoarse, as though he'd been crying. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you okay, though?"

He hesitated. "I will be."

There was a crowded pause. "But...?" prompted Dean.

"I...we aren't having a baby."

"What do you-"

"I miscarried."

Everything stopped. For a moment, Dean could do nothing but gape. Then he sank down onto the bed, and all the air went out of his lungs. The baby was gone. All their planning and preparation, the baby clothes and the crib and the assurances that they'd get it right this time- all of it.

"Dean, I'm sorry." Cas' voice brought him out of the fog.

"No. No, no, no. Don't you apologize. It happened, and it's...it's really fucking awful, but I'm just glad you're okay."

Cas drew a deep breath. "Where's Matteo? I want to see him."

"He's with Sam, they'll be back in a little bit."

Another pause. "So what happens next...?"

"I'm scheduled for an operation tomorrow. After that...I don't know." Cas laid down, and neither he nor Dean spoke again for some time.

oOOo


	5. Minus One

Castiel went in for surgery the next morning. The couch under the window wasn't as comfortable as it looked; Dean had spent the night not really sleeping, only to wake up to Cas being put on a gurney. He jumped up and ran (well, hobbled quickly) to his fiance. His back was never going to forgive him for that couch.

"Morning, sunshine." he said, trying to sound cheerful. It didn't work; Cas looked like he hadn't slept much either. "How you feelin'?"

Cas shrugged against the gurney. "I've been better." a nurse leaned in and began prepping him for an IV; he winced a little as the needle was inserted. "Dean, I'll be fine." he added, seeing his fiance's concern.

"I know."

The gurney jostled into life and began to roll; Dean followed it, trying to keep out of the nurses' way. "Sammy took Matteo home, he's gonna take care of him 'till you get out. I'm going to call Charlie and see if I can get some time off, and I'll let Bobby and Ellen know what happened-" he was babbling, he knew it, but he couldn't seem to stop. He trotted alongside the gurney and kept talking even as Cas' attention started to wander. They reached pre-op, and the gurney glided to a stop.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Winchester," said one of the nurses, "we have to take him into surgery now."

Dean tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. Cas' hand closed around his in a crushing grip; he looked down into his fiance's shockingly-blue eyes and forced a smile. "Guess this is as far as I go...I'll be there when you come out." he leaned down and kissed Cas softly. "I love you so much."

A nurse reached in and folded up the sides of the gurney, forcing him to step back. Another nurse, a young man, adjusted the IV. "We'll let you know as soon as he's awake, sir." he said gently. The gurney started rolling toward the tall double doors.

"See you on the other side." Dean called. Then Cas was surrounded by people and the doors swung shut. And he was alone.

oOo

For two hours Dean wandered the hospital. Oncology, orthopedics, radiology...he got lost twice. Sam stopped by with Matteo and Gabriel and an overnight bag for Dean. He took it gratefully and went straight back to the waiting room, where he dumped it on a bench and sat down beside it. He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until an OR nurse was gently shaking him awake.

"Mr. Winchester?"

He sat bolt-upright. "Wha'?"

"Your fiance is out of surgery and just waking up. You can see him, but we'd like to keep him overnight for observation." the nurse smiled. Dean found himself doing the same. He followed the young man to the recovery room, where Cas was laying at the end of a row of beds. He was hooked up to a multitude of lines and tubes, and Dean's breath caught in his throat at the sight. He sat down at the head of the bed.

"Cas? You in there...?"

"He's going to be woozy for a few hours still." the nurse pointed out.

"Got it." a lot like most mornings at home, then. Dean put a hand on Cas' shoulder. "Hey. C'mon babe, up and at 'em."

Castiel finally stirred. He hunched his shoulders and tried to turn away from Dean, but was stopped by his IV lines. So he threw an arm over his face instead.

"Good morning." said Dean. His fiance groaned.

"Where 'm I?"

"Recovery. The operation's over. How're you feeling?"

"Ngh. Do I have to answer?"

Dean smiled. "I guess not...the nurse said they're gonna keep you overnight, but we can go home first thing tomorrow. That sound okay?"

"I don't believe I have much of a choice, but will you leave me alone if I say yes?"

Dean let out a laugh that earned him a bleary-eyed glare from Cas, but effectively broke the tension of the room. It wasn't even all that funny, but somehow it was comforting that even with anesthesia, Cas still woke up cranky. He was still himself.

oOo

Sometimes when you hit your head, there are a few seconds of dazed numbness before the pain really kicks in. For Dean and Cas, the days following the miscarriage were one long stretch of this numbness. Wedding plans and everything else had come to a screeching halt; they felt stranded. Cas slept a lot and was listless and quiet the rest of the time, which left Dean to take care of Matteo largely on his own. Dean himself felt like he was walking around in a daze. And they didn't- or couldn't -talk about what had happened. Instead they went about business as usual, and routine ate up their days, and the silences got bigger and bigger.

Matteo, meanwhile, just added his own brand of chaos to the mix. Kids are very perceptive. He'd picked up on his parents' distress and was responding to it in the only way he knew how: by acting out. He yelled and talked back, he threw toys and tantrums and flat-out refused to take naps. What Dean wouldn't give for a stiff drink...the kid was upset, that much was obvious, but it was unfocused. He needed an explanation. Dean and Cas might not be talking about the miscarriage, but they'd have to tell Matteo about it at some point.

That point came sooner than expected. One evening, a couple days after they came home from the hospital, Dean had managed (with a lot of persuasion) to get Matteo settled in his room with some paper and crayons. Cas was taking a nap, so Dean went off to make dinner (and a very fancy dinner it was: canned tomato soup and toasted cheese sandwiches). But no sooner had he gotten started than he heard the shuffle of little kid feet. No rest for the wicked.

"Pop...?" Matteo stood expectantly by his knee.

"What's up, munchkin?" Dean looked up from his pot of soup. The little boy held out a piece of paper for his inspection; it was covered in scribbles of various colors, and in the center was a vaguely human-looking blob with a smaller blob beside it.

"It's for daddy." he explained.

"And it's awesome. We can give it to him after his nap." at least the kid hadn't woken Cas up to give it to him...Dean peered at the paper, turning it this way and that. "What, uh...what is it...?"

Matteo drew himself up proudly. " 's the baby. An' me."

...Oh.

Dean's heart fell to his stomach. He'd been dreading this. He took a deep breath. "Matt, can we...I need to talk to you."

The boy's eyes widened. "I didn' do it!" 

"No, I wanna tell you something. C'mere." Dean led Matteo to the sofa and sat down. Somewhat reluctantly, Matteo climbed up next to him. Dean took advantage of the pause to collect his thoughts. And once the kid was settled, he took another deep breath. "Matt, I know how excited you are about being a big brother, but the thing is...the baby isn't coming."

Matteo frowned. "Why?"

"Something happened, and the baby died. You aren't gonna be a big brother now."

There was a long pause. A door slammed outside. Matteo stared down at his lap, clearly thinking hard. Eventually he looked up at Dean. "Why?" he said again.

"We don't really know."

Matteo thought for another moment. Then his eyes widened and he looked back toward his parents' bedroom. "Is daddy sick too?"

"No, buddy. Your dad's going to be okay. He'll be sad for a while, but he's gonna be okay."

The little boy nodded solemnly. One hand reached out, grabbed a corner of the drawing, and slowly pulled it out of Dean's hands. He looked at it for a moment, then scowled and started to crumple it up. Dean snatched it back. "Woah, hey, hey. You don't have to do that." he gently un-crumpled the paper. "Why don't you, uh...draw him another picture instead? Bet you he'd love it." another pause. "I'm makin' dinner; I'll be right here if you want to talk."

"...'tay." Matteo climbed down from the couch, with much less exuberance than usual. Dean was making his way back to the kitchen when another, larger set of footsteps came slowly down the hall. He paused to listen.

"Matteo?" Cas's voice was rusty with sleep.

"...Hi daddy."

A door creaked. The voices muffled slightly. "What are you doing in here?"

"Drawing."

"Ah. May I see?"

Matteo immediately launched into one of his intricate stories. Dean could barely understand a word, but Cas seemed to. His gravelly voice chimed in now and then, Matteo chirped his answers, and for a moment it almost seemed like things were back to normal. Dean knew that by bedtime Matteo would be cranky again, and Cas would withdraw back into himself, but for now...he just listened. And smiled.

oO0Oo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of a "filler" chapter; I promise the next one will be more interesting.


	6. Upside down

They say time flies when you're having fun. This is true, but time also flies when you're unhappy. It's just a matter of not paying attention. And the Winchester-Novak family was a very unhappy one: a month flew by and they barely noticed. Castiel was still just as withdrawn. He went mechanically through his days, as though it took a lot of effort just to exist. And Dean's efforts to bring him out of it only backfired- the more he reached out, the more Cas pulled away. Matteo spent a lot of time at Bobby and Ellen's house. As much as it made Dean feel like an awful parent, some days it was just too hard to have the kid at home. Besides, they were still unpacking; two-year-olds and moving boxes don't mix. More than that, Dean just wanted to keep him safe. The tension in the house had to break at some point, and he didn't want Matteo caught in the middle when it happened.

"Hey Cas...?" Dean knocked on the bedroom door. His fiance was curled up on the bed, nose in a book. Blue eyes peered out from behind the cover.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Wanna help me with a couple of boxes?"

Cas thought for a moment. Then he slowly and deliberately marked his page, closed the book, and climbed down from the bed. He rolled up his sleeves; hoodies had become his go-to outfit, despite the warming weather. "I thought we had finished upacking."

"So did I," Dean scoffed, "but Sam brought 'em over a little while ago. I think it's mostly clothes and some of Matteo's stuff."

"Mm."

They walked together out to the living room. Watery May sunshine streamed through the windows, and they blinked in the bright light. Dean set the first box on the table. In it was a stack of shirts which he pulled out and tossed toward the washer. "So, uh, speaking of unpacking..." he tried to fill up the silence. "Did you move around a lot as a kid? You and your family?"

Cas extracted a toy firetruck from another box. It honked balefully. "Infrequently, but yes. I know that when Michael and Gabriel were small, my family moved several times; however, by the time Anna and I came along, my father's job didn't require as much travelling." under the firetruck were some of Matteo's old clothes; he picked through them.

"You're lucky, man." Dean smiled. This was the most Cas had talked in days. "When me an' Sammy were kids, we moved all the time. We'd have just long enough to settle down, make a few friends, then BAM, we were gone again. I don't think we ever..." he stopped. It was too quiet all of a sudden. "Cas? You still there?" he turned around. His fiance was standing over the open box, clutching a small something in his hands. He was motionless. "...Cas?" Dean approached him cautiously. "What'd you find...?" Cas slowly opened his hands: it was a pair of baby shoes, so small that each one fit exactly in his palm. Dean's heart fell to his stomach. "God, I'm so sorry, I thought I'd...here, I'll put it away." he leaned down to pick it up, but Cas stopped him.

"Don't."

"You sure...?"

Cas stared at the tiny shoes; he looked like he wanted to throw them at the wall. Dean stood up. He and Cas were experts at avoiding what needed to be said, but this had gone on long enough. He'd explode if he didn't say something about it. "Cas." he cupped Cas' hands in his own. He opened his mouth, closed it again. What the hell COULD he say? I'm sorry? That seemed as good a place to start as any...

Cas shook his head."It's not your fault."

"And it's not yours, either." Dean felt like he'd been put in the middle of a damn soap opera. He tried to crack a smile, but it wouldn't hold. There was a long silence while Cas seemed to collect his thoughts.

"I was so excited." Cas said finally, still staring down at the shoes. "I was so excited to be having a baby, and not going through the pregnancy on my own." his voice wobbled; he swallowed hard. "And then it was just...gone." he scrubbed at his eyes with one hand. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't." Dean's voice was wobbly too; to hide it, he put his arms around Cas and pulled him in close. He stood in silence for a moment while Cas shook against him. "Don't apologize." he said again, and pressed a kiss to Cas' hair. "We'll get through this; we can always try again, when you're ready. And we still have Matteo." he pulled away for just a moment. "I love you so damn much, Cas. This isn't gonna change that."

"And I, you." Cas said thickly. "But I don't know if-"

"Hey guys! Door was unlocked, so I let myself in. Hope you don't mind."

That voice could only belong to one person...Gabriel waltzed into the apartment, carrying a gold-and-white striped box and chatting away. "Just stopped by to check on you guys; I brought you some cookies from the shop and..." he trailed off. His mouth hung open for a moment as he took in the scene, and he took a step back. "...I'm interrupting something, aren't I."

"More often than not, yes." his brother growled.

To his credit, Gabriel looked mortified. "Cassie, I am so sorry. I had no idea."

"No, you didn't. You often don't." Castiel stepped forward, eyes still red from crying, and took the box from Gabriel's hands. "Thank you for the cookies. Now get out."

"Cas-"

" **OUT**."

"Okay, okay, I'm going. Sorry." Gabriel backed out of the apartment under his brother's glare. As soon as he was out of sight, Cas deflated. His shoulders sagged, and he looked much smaller.

"I don't know how Sam puts up with him." said Dean from the other side of the room. He'd barely moved; in fact, he looked torn between being scared and impressed.

"I suppose someone has to..." Cas sounded defeated. He dropped the box on the counter. There was a moment of crowded silence (they were getting good at those). Then he dragged a hand through his hair. "I'm going for a walk," he said. "I need some air." he gestured to the leftover boxes on his way to the door. "I'll...finish those later."

"Wait, Cas-" Dean didn't know what he was about to say, but he didn't get the chance anyway: Cas held up a hand to silence him.

"Just don't."

So he didn't. He just stood and watched while Cas slipped on a pair of shoes that may or may not have been his, didn't bother with a coat, and slipped out of the door. Then he turned and kicked the nearest box. What the hell just happened? They were making progress, they were actually talking about it, and then Loki himself had to show up and ruin it. And now Cas was probably back to square one. Who knows how long it would be before he was willing to talk again? Dean swore. Might as well finish what he started, in the meantime...that box of baby things was going straight into storage. The baby shoes had somehow landed on the floor. He tried not to look at them as he picked them up. Then he stalked toward the box- and stopped when he trod on something hard. He took a step back; something glinted in the carpet. One of Matteo's toys, maybe? But then he bent to pick it up, and no, it wasn't a toy.

It was Cas' engagement ring.

oOOo


	7. Back to square one

"Cas? Castiel?? Where the hell are you?"

Cas left for a walk hours ago. Either he was walking around the whole damn city, or something had happened to him. The second option didn't bear thinking about. But the first...well, given how pissed Cas had been about Gabe, he wouldn't put it past him to try. Either way, he should have been back by now. Sure, Castiel was a grown man and he could take care of himself, but that didn't stop Dean from worrying. Cas wasn't the type to just disappear. So Dean was combing the neighborhood, block by block, yelling for his fiance and attracting plenty of weird looks from passers-by. Sam was out too, moving in the opposite direction. Ominous clouds on the horizon only spurred them on.

"Cas! C'mon man, this isn't funny!" Dean was just passing the coffee shop; his shouting earned him a glare from a group of college students sitting outside. He glared right back. He was in no mood to be nice. His phone buzzed in his pocket; a message from Sam. **'NOTHING YET. HEADING DOWNTOWN. WILL KEEP U POSTED.'** Dean texted back a quick 'OK'. He didn't know it was possible to be scared and angry at the same time. When he found Cas, he was either gonna kiss him, or give him a piece of his mind. Probably both. That is, assuming he ever found the guy...even at walking speed, Castiel could be anywhere in the city by now (hell, he may have just gone home. They should've posted someone at the apartment). There was the library, office buildings, the warehouses where Matteo was born, the whole of downtown, the park, the subway- the park. Of course. Why didn't he think of that? He whipped out his phone. He was too far from the park to get there quickly, but Sam was close enough.

"Hello?" his brother's voice crackled through the phone.

"Hey, it's me."

"Dean, I told you, I haven't seen-"

"No, I have an idea. Did you check the park?"

"Not yet."

"Try there first; tell me if you see him."

Sam sighed. "Sure. Don't see why he's any more likely to be there, but I'll take a look."

"Okay, let me know."

"Will do."

Dean picked up the pace. He'd have to move fast now to beat the rain. As he walked, he slipped his hand into his pocket to touch Cas' engagement ring. Logically, he knew it had probably just fallen off, but that little 'what if' was busy whispering, too. What if he'd done it on purpose? What if he had no intention of coming back?

That's stupid, Dean. Why wouldn't he come back?

His phone buzzed again. He whipped it out of his pocket, but it wasn't Sam. Someone was calling him. **  
**

"Hello?"

"Dean? It's Bobby. I understand you're missing a fiance."

Dean stopped in his tracks. "How did you know...?"

"'Cause I got 'im right here. Showed up on my front step maybe ten minutes ago."

"Is he okay? Can I talk to him?"

There was a pause; Dean could hear Bobby's muffled voice on the other end, and Cas' gravelly tones answering. "I don't think he's in the mood to talk much. But he's asked to stay here fer a while, an' I'm gonna let him. I know it's none of my business, but he looks like he's had one hell of a hard time."

"Yeah, he...yeah." Dean cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Look, Dean. I'm gonna stop by your place later to get some things for Castiel and Matt; we can talk then."

"...Okay. See you."

As Dean hung up the phone, he realized that the rain had caught up with him. All down the street, people were putting on hoods and hurrying for cover; he did the same. He could catch up with Sam once he found someplace dry.

oOo

It was still raining when Bobby arrived. His coat hung from the doorknob and dripped while he and Dean put together a bag for Cas. And although he said he'd come by to talk, he mostly listened.

"I don't even know how to act around him now." said Dean, folding a sweatshirt. "I mean, I know how hard this has been for him- it's been hard on both of us. I just didn't expect a Jekyll and Hyde thing."

"Well, what did you expect?"

"Hell if I know."

"Grief does funny things to people." said Bobby matter-of-factly. "Dunno if I ever told you, but Karen went through the same thing once. Years ago."

"Karen...your wife?"

"Yup. Miscarried at ten weeks, couple years before...y'know. Before the accident." he waved a hand dismissively. "Took months before she seemed like herself again." Dean made a noncommital noise and said nothing. "Point is, he'll come around."

"I know. But part of me almost wants to be mad at him for disappearing."

"Want my advice? Don't be. He's had a rough time of it; can't blame 'im for wantin' to get away."

"Yeah, but-"

"No 'buts', boy, leave him be! Give 'im some time to get his head on straight. He'll come back."

Dean sighed. "Thanks, Bobby."

Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. "You'll be okay, boy. You both will." he said with typical gruffness. Then he turned and grabbed his coat. "And I gotta get home before the roads get washed out. I'll keep you posted." he picked up the bag and slung it over his shoulder, and left with a nod. Bobby rarely said 'goodbye'.

-

So Dean was more or less back to the beginning. And this time, he didn't even have Sam- just some empty boxes in a very quiet apartment. But Dean wasn't the kind of person to just give up and mope around. There were things to do. So he buried himself in his work to avoid thinking about it. And he was successful, too, for several days, but by the end of the week he was acutely aware of the empty space in his bed and the absence of thundering toddler feet. Several times he thought about picking up the phone and calling Cas, but never did. The engagement ring sat on the nightstand, and Matteo's toys lay on the floor where he'd left them. Being alone isn't half as nice when you know what you're missing.

oOo


	8. Pause

Six weeks. Six damn weeks and almost no word from Cas. Sure, he'd called once or twice, but all Dean could get out of him was cryptic half-answers- "I'm alright" or "Matteo misses you". They'd known each other for three years. Hadn't it occured to him that Dean could tell when he was just trying to be nice? It was like being stuck in the cliffhanger of some stupid romcom. If Cas didn't want to come back, couldn't he just say so?

Sam, who had been keeping a respectful distance ever since the miscarriage, began stopping by frequently to check on Dean. He and Gabriel were back together, apparently (and there had been Words exchanged regarding Gabriel's little surprise visit), so that gave them something to talk about that wasn't Cas. Although they did talk about him quite a bit. If you didn't know better you might think Sam was the older sibling, the way he fussed over Dean. He even made dinner once or twice. It was pretty good, admittedly, but Dean would've laughed if the situation were different. As it was, he was grateful for the company. All the wedding preparations had been packed away, and he felt like his whole life was on hold. Charlie, too, was keeping an eye on him, which was both a blessing and a curse. Fond as he was of her, she didn't quite know when to back off sometimes; he might just lose it if he heard one more "are you okay". Not to say that he **was** okay- this was the farthest he'd ever been from 'okay' -but he was sick of being asked.

But when does it become acceptable to just flat-out ask Cas to come home? Or tell him that it felt like a piece of himself was missing and it was driving him crazy, as lame as that sounds? Cas would have been almost seven months by now; that had to be weighing on them both.

-

Sometimes Sam's visits involved refreshments: a bottle of beer for each of them. They didn't need to imbibe just to talk to each other, of course, but the words came easier if they did. They talked, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning, about anything and everything. Dean was not what you'd call a lightweight, but he found that the closer he got to the bottom of the bottle, the more details came out.

"I'm worried about him, Sammy." he sighed. His bottle was almost empty and he was just barely tipsy. "I'm worried." he said again. "I'm starting to think he's not coming back."

"You don't know that." Sam tried to reassure him.

"Well, why else would he be doing this? He ran off without bothering to tell anyone, he won't even talk to me-"

"You've done that too."

"What?"

"Running away."

Dean was taken aback for a moment. "This is different."

"No it isn't, don't give me that." Sam took a swig from his own bottle. "You can't be mad at him for doing something that you've done." Dean picked moodily at the label on his bottle. "Dean, neither of you have experienced this before. It's gonna take some time to get past it. And maybe he won't come back, but if he doesn't, you can't just stay in this rut. You've gotta move on."

Dean huffed out a sigh. "Thought you were supposed to cheer me up."

"Just trying to be realistic." Sam shrugged and downed the last of his beer.

"Thanks a lot."

"Look, I'm sorry, but-" Sam was interrupted suddenly by a shrill beeping. He swore and hurried across the room to dig his phone out of his bag. His brother, meanwhile, continued to stare into his beer. "Hi Gabe, what's up? Are you...you're here early? Why?...jeez, is it? Okay, I'll- gimme a minute, I'll be right down."

Sam reappeared with his bag over his shoulder. "Time to go?" asked Dean.

"Yeah, Gabe's here already. Listen-" Sam put one hand flat on the table. "I want you to call Cas. Tonight. If you really want this to work, you have to reach out to him."

"Sammy, I-"

"Promise?"

Dean rolled his eyes. What, were they in grade school? "Promise."

Sam smiled. "Let me know how it goes."

"Will do."

-

Dean sat and stared at his phone for a while after Sam left. He'd finished the last of his beer and while he wasn't drunk, there was a buzzing behind his eyes that threatened to become a headache if left alone. Eventually, urged on by his few functioning brain cells, he picked up the phone. You can go to bed, he promised himself, if you just get this over with. Bobby's number was on speed-dial; he punched it in and waited.

"Hello?" a gruff voice answered.

"Bobby? It's me."

"What d'you want?"

"I, uh..." Dean took a deep breath. "I need to talk to Cas. Is he there?"

There was a busy pause on the other end of the line. "He went to take a shower, you just missed 'im." said Bobby, not very convincingly. "But," he added, "I got someone else here who'd love to talk to you. One sec." his voice became muffled and there were a few seconds of rustling, and then a much higher voice burst through the phone line.

"Hiiii!!"

Dean beamed. "Hey Matt! How's it goin'?"

"Good. Guess what??"

"What?"

"Me an' daddy went to the park today!"

"Really? Did Gramps go with you?"

"Uh-huh. There was a dog!"

"Wow, buddy, that's pretty cool." Dean leaned back in his chair, still grinning. Not the most riveting conversation he'd ever had, but god, it was good to hear Matteo's voice again. "How's your dad been?"

"Good. He takes naps."

Hopefully he's not the only one, thought Dean. Matteo had reached an age where naps were no longer seen as a good idea. "I hope you're being good for Gramps and Ellen."

"...Yeah."

Dean stifled a laugh. That was a very telling pause. There were footsteps in the background, and a gravelly voice spoke up faintly. He thought he heard the word 'bed', and there was a definite wilt to Matteo's voice when he said 'okay'.

"Sounds like it's time to go." said Dean. "You keep an eye on your dad for me, okay buddy? I really miss you guys."

"'Tay."

"See you soon, Matt. Love you."

"Love you, Pop."

"Can you hand the phone back to Gramps?"

"'Tay."

More rustling, a few thumps, and then Bobby's voice was back. "What's up?"

"How's Cas doing?"

"He's okay." Bobby sighed. "Better than he was when he first showed up. I've been tryin' to talk to 'im, but the guy plays his cards awfully close to his chest."

Dean smirked. That's Cas, all right. "Has he said anything about coming back? Like, when?"

"A little. I'm tryin' to move him in that direction. Not that I don't like havin' him and Matt here, but I think he oughta be at home where he can work this out with you face-to-face."

"You're a lifesaver, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah." Dean could almost hear Bobby's smile through the phone. "I gotta go. You take care of yourself, boy. Say hi to yer brother for me."

"Will do. Thanks, Bobby."

"'Night."

Dean hung up and spent several moments just looking down at his phone. Then he got up, turned off the light, and shuffled off to bed, feeling better than he had in a long time.

oOOo


	9. Fast-Forward

It was the first week of July, and everything was wet. June had been unseasonably dry; now it seemed like the weather was trying to make up for lost time by packing a month's worth of rain into one week.  It was the kind of rain your grandparents might call a gullywasher, or a toad-strangler. Reporters made jokes about building an ark, the streets became traffic jam purgatory, and the walk to work was more of a swim. Dean was often soaked from the knees down by  the time he got there. Going home was more of the same: umbrella or not, you were going to get drenched.

He'd gotten sort of used to Cas' absence now, in the same way that you get used to an injury after a while. It still hurts, but you sort of stop noticing it. He'd even considered packing up some of Cas' things. Just in case. Sam was right: Cas was probably gone for good at this point, as much as he hated to admit it. Shit happens, he figured. Life goes on.

-

By the fourth straight day of rain, everyone was thoroughly sick of it. It had been nice at first, since everything had been so dry. Not anymore. Dean was really starting to wish he had a car. Walking home in the rain was bad enough; why did it have to rain sideways? He pushed open the apartment building's big glass doors and walked into the blessedly dry lobby. Walking across to the elevators, he stopped to wring out his pant legs before pushing the UP button. They dripped on the carpet while he waited. When the elevator finally came, a young couple stepped out. They laughed good-naturedly at the sight of him.

"Kinda damp out there, huh?" said the woman as she zipped up her raincoat.

Dean put on a smile. "Kinda, yeah." he quipped back. They stepped around each other, and he watched through the closing doors as the couple went out into the downpour. At least they were smart enough to wear rubber boots. He pressed the button for the sixth floor without even looking; there was the familiar lurch in the pit of his stomach, and up he went. Two...three...four...five...another lurch. The doors slid open. Dean stepped out and squished down the long, beige hallway to his apartment. 2Y5, at the end of the hall. After some swearing and rattling the doorknob (the damn thing always swells when it's humid), he shouldered it open. It was dark and quiet, just as he'd left it, which was both a relief and a disappointment. Leaving his things by the door, he kicked off his shoes and ambled into the kitchen to find some dinner.

There wasn't much, as it turned out, and he wasn't feeling very creative either. Peanut butter and jelly it is. He hummed tunelessly as he got out the ingredients. Just as he was digging the jam out of the refrigerator, he felt something tug on the hem of his shirt, and a little voice behind him said "Pop?"

"Just a minute, buddy." he said reflexively. It took all of ten seconds before he realized what had happened and spun around, jam jar in one hand and knife in the other. There in the middle of the kitchen, wearing a two-sizes-too-big T-shirt and a sheepish grin, was Matteo. Man and toddler stared at each other.

"Hi Pop." said the little boy.

Dean swallowed hard. "...Hi." he very carefully set the jar and knife on the counter. "What are you doin' here, kiddo?"

"I wanted t' see you."

"That's really nice, but...how did you get here?" Dean crouched down to eye-level with his son. God forbid the kid had taken it upon himself to trek all the way across the city. "Where's your dad?"

"Hello, Dean."

Dean's heart skipped a beat. Was that...? He looked up and sure enough, it was. Castiel was standing in the doorway, smiling that smile of his.

"Cas...?" he breathed. He looked from Matteo to Cas and back. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We live here, don't we?" Cas was still grinning. And that was all the encouragement Dean needed. He surged to his feet, crossed the kitchen, and kissed him as though it was the last thing he would ever do. He laced his arms around Cas to make sure he was really there and god he'd missed this, he'd missed Cas, and Cas had evidently missed him just as much because there were hands on his waist pulling him closer and they separated only to catch their breath. He still didn't quite look like himself, Dean noticed - he looked like he could do with an extra week of sleep - but he was here and he was okay. He was home.

-

"So...you're back."

"Yes."

"For good...?"

"Yes."

Dean, Cas, and Matteo were seated around the dining room table. They had managed to put together a proper dinner, and they ate mostly in silence. But it wasn't a silence of having nothing to say; it was a full silence, where there's a lot you want to say but you don't know how to start. Castiel laid down his fork with a polite little *clink*.

"You sound as though you didn't expect me to return." he said contemplatively.

"I kinda didn't."

Cas squinted. "Why?"

"Well...given everything that's happened, I figured you might not want to. I mean, I wouldn't blame you."

"Dean, I had every intention of returning."

"Could've fooled me." there was a glare from across the table; he looked down at his plate. "Sorry. I mean-"

"I know what you meant. And I apologize for giving the wrong impression. But if I didn't intend to come back, I would have said so."

The part of Dean that didn't believe him wisely stayed quiet. The part that did, said "So now what? I mean, do we just go back to normal? Are we even still together?"

"Yes, we are." said Cas, as though it should have been obvious. "Unless something has happened that I'm not aware of."

Well there's the ring, for starters, thought Dean. "Nothing's happened, Cas. I just-"

"Matteo, honey, that's not where your spoon goes."

"-I just wanna know where I stand on this. Where we stand. Whatever."

Spoon in-hand, Cas gave Dean a thoughtful look. "Let's just focus on the 'normal' part for now." he said. Then he retrieved his fork and didn't speak again for the rest of the meal.

-

Later that evening after Matteo had been put to bed, Dean was laying in his own bed, tinkering around on his phone and trying to get used to the lack of silence. Six weeks is an awful lot of quiet when you're used to living with two other people (especially when one of them is a toddler). He listened to Castiel padding around the apartment until he could barely keep his eyes open. Or maybe a little longer than that, because when his phone beeped that it was almost dead, Cas was suddenly laying beside him. He turned over and came almost nose-to-nose with the guy. Cas was still awake, but only just. He gave a small, drowsy smile.

"Hello." he said simply.

"Hey." Dean smiled back. He decided to risk it and scooted a little closer. To his relief, Cas did the same. "I kinda missed this." he sighed.

"Only 'kind of'?" teased Cas.

"You know what I mean, smartass. I'm glad you're home."

Cas smiled again, and leaned in to steal a kiss. "Glad to be home."

"What brought you back, though...?"

Drawing a deep breath, Cas hesitated. "I would say that I just felt ready, but...it might be more accurate to say that I outstayed my welcome."

"Bobby didn't kick you out, did he?"

"No. No, no. Mister Singer has been extremely helpful. I made the decision to leave on my own." Cas stole two more kisses before speaking again. "I would rather not speak about it at the moment, though."

"Fine by me." Dean leaned in for a kiss of his own. "Missed you." he said quietly, almost like an afterthought. Cas echoed his words. It had been way, way too long since they had time to themselves like this. He let his hand rest on Cas' shoulderblade and ghost down his back. Cas returned the gesture with a hand on the back of Dean's neck and a kiss on his jaw, and another on his forehead. Dean slid a tentative hand up under Cas' shirt to touch warm skin; he smelled musty, like the old house he'd been staying in, but there was also a sweet-spicy tea-like smell that was uniquely Cas, and Dean leaned closer to breathe it in. This earned him a breathy noise and another, more heated kiss which he gladly returned. He'd missed Cas so damn much. He'd missed being this close, missed the way Cas reacted to him and vice versa. The shivers and little sounds Dean found he could elicit from him...well, he could think of worse ways to spend an evening.

oOOo


	10. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell, have some fluff.
> 
> ...with maybe a little bit of actual story. :)

So Cas was back.

Things were normal again- mostly. For one thing, life with a toddler doesn't fit most people's definitions of 'normal'. And then there was the elephant in the room. The engagement ring still sat untouched on the nightstand; Cas didn't talk about it, and Dean didn't quite have the nerve to bring it up. For the moment, at least, they had other things on their minds: Matteo was turning three! Frankly, his parents were more excited about it than he was. Maybe he didn't get the whole concept, or maybe he didn't care, but either way he said he'd rather be a tiger.

-

"Hey kiddo!"

"Gramps!!"

Matteo tore out of the dining room, running full-tilt to the door. He barrelled into Bobby's knees before the old man even made it across the threshold. Bobby ruffled his hair a little awkwardly; he'd never been too comfortable with children, and he still wasn't used to that nickname. He shuffled the rest of the way into the apartment. "How's the birthday boy?"

"Good!" Matteo chirped, still hanging on.

"Three years old, huh? You're all grown up!" he continued, and Matteo giggled.

"Hey, why don't you let your grandpa get in the door before you attack him?" Sam came around the corner and plucked Matteo up, then turned him loose in the opposite direction. "Hi Bobby."

"Sam." Bobby nodded. Ellen slid in past him with a nod of her own. From the dining room came a yell of greeting.

"Hey, the gang's all here!" Gabriel sauntered toward them, wearing an almost offensively bright shirt and a cheeky grin. He waved.

Bobby leaned in toward Sam. "Who's yer friend?"

"Oh, uh..." Sam blushed. "Bobby, this is Gabriel. He-"

"I'm the boyfriend." Gabriel slid an arm around Sam's waist to illustrate his point. Bobby raised an eyebrow, and Sam blushed even harder.

"Bobby, Ellen, hey!" Dean stuck his head into the room just long enough to wave. Then he disappeared. "Cas, they're here."

Bobby and Ellen followed Sam and Gabriel into the dining room. Dean and Cas had used their small budget to make the place look as festive as possible: there were streamers in the doorway and a few balloons here and there, a couple of presents on the table and a cake on the kitchen counter, topped with three tall candles. Cas came in from the kitchen.

"Hello." he said, reserved as usual.

"Hey Castiel." Bobby gave him a friendly thump on the back. "Yer lookin' a lot better." Cas' only response was a smile, before he slipped politely past Bobby into the living room. Moments later he came back with his son in tow. He bent down to whisper something in Matteo's ear, then they parted ways- Cas back to the kitchen and Matteo to the table. The little boy climbed into a chair (with a little help from his uncle) and sat drumming his hands impatiently on the tabletop. Gabriel walked by and ruffled his hair.

"Patience, small one."

"Cake!"

"...That too."

Someone dimmed the lights. Cas' voice drifted in from the kitchen, singing 'Happy Birthday'; he was on-key, but you wouldn't know it once everyone else started singing. The candles lit his face orange as he padded into the room and set the cake down. Matteo leaned in to blow out the candles almost as soon as it touched the table.

"Woah, hold up." Dean reached out to pull him back a little, but the kid would not be restrained. His face turned beet-red; he spat on the candles more than anything, but either way they were extinguished. He beamed.

"Happy birthday, Matteo." Cas leaned in to snag a kiss.

"Cake!" Matteo insisted.

Gabriel laughed. "I like the way you think, kid. Cut to the chase."

Matteo stood up in his chair as Dean picked up the server. The cake was already cut, why not help himself? He put one hand on the tabletop and reached out with the other-

"Wait please, Matteo-"

-then promptly overbalanced and planted it on the cake. "...Oops." he slowly lifted his hand.

"Matt!"

"Sorry." the little boy looked at his frosting-covered fingers, then down at himself. And before his parents could stop him, he carefully wiped the frosting off all down his shirtfront. Cas groaned.

"Oh, Matteo..."

"Sorry."

"Dean, could you-?"

"Already on it." Dean went into the kitchen for some paper towels; Cas headed for Matteo's room to get a clean shirt.

He was searching through the dresser when he heard the door open. It was Ellen, carrying Matteo's frosting-covered shirt. She handed it to him. "Thought you could use a hand."

"Thank you." Cas dropped the shirt in the laundry bin and returned to the dresser. Ellen stood in the doorway. "I'm sorry about this, I didn't think he would-"

"Oh, don't worry about, he's three. Kids will be kids. I remember at one of Jo's first birthdays, she got cake everywhere but her mouth. Hair, clothes, table, you name it. " Ellen smiled fondly. Cas even cracked a grin of his own, for a moment.

"You can return to the party if you like." he shrugged. He seemed to have forgotten about the shirt, and instead was fussing around tidying the room. "I won't be long."

"That's alright. Actually..." Ellen closed the door behind her. "I wanted to talk to you for a moment." Cas looked up warily.

"About what?"

"You."

Cas cocked his head, frowned. "I don't understand."

"Bobby told me what happened." said Ellen gently. "I wanted to make sure you're alright."

Cas didn't answer for a moment. "I am...doing better. Better than I was. It has been difficult."

"I can imagine. Is there anything we can do?"

"No. But thank you for offering." Cas smiled a little. "Dean is...extremely supportive."

"I was hoping you'd say that, 'cause I might have to kick his butt if he wasn't." this got an actual laugh out of Castiel. That was an uncommon thing; he laughed like it wasn't something he was used to. In recent months, that was probably true. Then Ellen continued. "It might not be my place to ask, but...are you still going ahead with the wedding...?" Cas looked down at his feet.

"I don't know yet."

"Fair enough." Ellen moved in and placed a gently hand on his back. "But I hope you and Dean have talked things out." Cas fell silent at this, which was answer enough. "Honey, you two have got talk about this. It's gonna eat you up if you don't."

"No offense, Mrs. Harvelle, but I think you would be just as reluctant if this happened to you."

"None taken. I understand."

"No you don't." there was no heat or accusation in the words, just fact. Ellen removed her hand.

"No. You're right, I'm sorry. But I stand by what I said: you and Dean will have to talk about this at some point."

"I wouldn't even know where to start."

"You'll figure it out." she assured him. There was a thoughtful pause. "...Well, I've said my piece. Now let's get back out there before people wonder what we're up to."

-

The rest of the party happened with minimal mess. After the cake came the presents, which were even more exciting. Bobby and Ellen's gift to Matteo was a stuffed toy duck that he immediately named Pato (the show Pocoyo was his current Favorite Thing); from his uncle Sam he received a big coloring book and a brand-new set of crayons; Gabriel gave him a toy trumpet (just loud enough to be annoying, of course); and from his dads he got a marble run. The wrapping paper was almost as much fun as the toys themselves. Once everyone had been properly thanked, Matteo hurried off to play with his presents, leaving the grownups to tidy up the aftermath.

In the kitchen, Dean pulled Cas aside. "Hey. What was goin' on with you and Ellen earlier?"

"Nothing. We were just talking."

"About?"

Cas fixed him with a steely look that prevented any further questions. "We were talking," he said again. "that is all." he wiped cake and frosting off the candles and stowed them in a drawer; the guy never threw anything away. Then he paused. "I will tell you later."

"Is everything okay, at least?"

Now Cas rolled his eyes fondly. "Yes, Dean." he brought their lips together briefly. "Everything is fine."

oOo


	11. Building Bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: this chapter is pretty dialogue-heavy.

Nighttime was one thing in the Winchester-Novak household that didn't change. That was Cas' doing- from day one, he'd insisted on Matteo having set routines. Bedtime was no different: take a bath, put on pajamas, brush teeth, read a story, then lights-out. It had been that way since Matteo was old enough to talk, and the only thing that changed was that Dean and Cas took turns putting him to bed. Tonight was Cas' turn.

"...for all I know he is sitting there still, under his favorite cork tree, smelling the flowers just quietly. He is very happy." Cas shut the book. The room was quiet. "Matteo...?" he looked down; the little boy had burrowed under the blankets and was out cold. That story worked every time. He fussed with the blankets a little then stood up to put the book away, tidying as he went. When he got to the door he paused a moment before turning off the light. "Goodnight, Matteo."

Cas stifled a yawn as he padded down the hall to his own bedroom. It had been a difficult day...the Terrible Twos were extending into the Terrible Threes. Perhaps tomorrow would be better. He entered the bedroom; Dean was sitting up in bed, looking thoughtfully at a small shining something in his hand. Cas climbed in beside him.

"Matteo's asleep?" Dean didn't look up.

"Yes."

Cas yawned enormously, pulled up the blankets. "What are you looking at?" Dean opened his hand; Cas peered up at it. "...is that my engagement ring?"

"Yeah."

They both fell silent. Cas had seen the ring on the nightstand, but hadn't wanted to say anything; apparently he no longer had a choice. "...I see."

Dean sighed. "Can we be grownups and actually talk about this, please?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"A lot." Dean held up the ring. "For starters, why you left this here."

Cas sat up. Clearly they weren't going to be sleeping for a while. "I was upset. With good reason."

"I'm not blaming you for that." Dean assured him. "But you could've said something."

Cas just glared. "I would have."

"Yeah? When?" Dean closed his hand around the ring. "Cas, I didn't even think you were coming back."

"You have said that, multiple times. I came back; there is no reason to speak about it further!"

"I think there is. Dammit Cas, I was this close to packing up your stuff!" Dean stopped suddenly, looked away for the space of a few deep breaths. "Sorry, I..." Cas took the opportunity to climb out of bed and go to the doorway. "Where you goin'?"

"To the living room. I'd rather not wake Matteo." he padded away without waiting for Dean to answer. But within seconds, just as he expected, there were footsteps behind his own. And when he half-sat, half-fell onto the couch, Dean sat next to him.

"I understand that I worried you, Dean-"

"Do you really? You said Matteo's dad walked out on you, you know what that feels like. 'Worried' doesn't do it justice."

"That is a low blow." said Cas coldly. "And that was different. That happened because he was angry, and I knew he was not coming back. I was...overwhelmed. Gabriel often has that effect on people." he smiled grimly.

"Can't argue with that one." Dean scoffed. "But you're still avoiding the question." he held up the ring. "What does this mean?"

"It meant," Cas emphasized, "that that was not something I could deal with at the time. That is all."

"What about now...?"

"What do you mean?"

"Us, Cas. Are we still a thing?"

"Your...advances recently would suggest that we are."

Was Dean really blushing? He looked down at his hands. "I meant officially."

Cas thought for a long, long moment. Then he reached out and gently plucked the ring from Dean's hand and rolled it around in his own palm. "Yes." he said eventually. Dean's head snapped up to look at him. "I would not have come back otherwise. When I spoke to Mrs. Harvelle, she asked me the same question. She thought we should go ahead with the wedding, that it would give us both more stability."

"And what do you think...?"

"I think she's right."

Dean's smile just about split his face in two. For a few seconds, he just sat there and grinned, before Cas said his name and snapped him out of it. "Cas, that is the best news I've heard in...ever. You really mean it?"

"Yes, Dean."

Suddenly there was a mischevious glint in Dean's eye. He stood up. "Then we're gonna do this properly. Gimme that." Cas handed the ring back. Dean pocketed it, cleared his throat, and sank down onto one knee. Cas shut his eyes.

"Dean, that is not-"

"Shush. Just let me do this, okay?" Dean cleared his throat again. "Castiel...uh, first of all, you should know that this is gonna be the worst proposal you've ever heard, 'cause I have no idea what I'm doing." Cas let out a snort of laughter. "But also...you probably know by now that I love you. A lot. You and Matt are the best things that've ever happened to me. I wanna watch him grow up with you, and I want us to be crotchety old guys together someday. Even if we never have a kid together, that'll be more than enough for me. And the fact that you still wanna do this after what we've been through has gotta mean something too, so let's skip the really cheesy stuff and get to the question." he took a deep breath. "Castiel Novak, will you marry me? Again?"

Now Cas' smile almost rivaled Dean's. He leaned down off the couch and kissed Dean, awkwardly from that angle but slow and burning. And when they pulled apart, he said simply, "Yes."

oOo


	12. Beginning and End

With the wedding preparations back in motion, things went smoothly. They scrapped all their previous plans for a much simpler ceremony, which led to a lot less paper and a lot more progress. And somewhere along the line, everything seemed to iron out. No more walking on eggshells around each other, no more long silences. Of course, there were snarls- somehow, word had gotten around to the Novak siblings - through Gabriel - about Cas' miscarriage (Gabe had just HAPPENED to run into Michael, okay, and Michael had asked about Cas, so it really wasn't his fault, right?). The sympathy cards came in about the same time Dean and Cas were sending out their wedding invitations. That was a difficult week. But time went on, as it does, and somebody must have blinked because suddenly, here it was- the big day.

-

"Hold still, buddy."

Dean tried not to swear as yet again, the fabric slipped through his fingers. Why do they even make ties this small? Matteo peered down his nose as his dad struggled with the strip of fabric.

"It's not working." he pointed out.

Dean sighed and admitted defeat. "No. No, it's not." he looked over his shoulder. "Cas? Could you gimme a hand with this?"

Cas walked into the room, dressed in slacks, a bright white button-up shirt, and a suit jacket. Just like when they first met, minus the trenchcoat. And the belly. "What's the matter?" Dean held up the offending article.

"Ah." Cas gently waved him aside and knelt in front of Matteo. Within seconds, the little boy was wearing a perfectly-knotted tie.

"How do you-?"

"Years of practice. Sunday morning Mass." Cas explained flatly. He stood up to address his son. "Go put your vest on, please. We need to leave soon." Matteo slid off the bed and hurried away. Once he was gone, Dean beckoned to Cas, who was already pulling on his own jacket.

"C'mere." he picked up a boutonniere and a pin from a box on the dresser. "Okay, don't move. I don't wanna stab you with this..." Cas held motionless as Dean attached the flower to his lapel. Finally Dean stood back to look him up and down. He whistled appreciatively. "Wow, Cas. Lookin' sharp." this earned a half-smile from his fiance as he took the second boutonniere from its box. "Your turn." slowly and with great care, Cas pinned it to Dean's jacket; before he could move away, Dean cupped his cheek with one hand and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Isn't it bad luck for us to see each other before the ceremony?" he wondered when they'd seperated. Dean just shrugged.

"Too late now." another kiss. "You nervous?"

"Are you?"

"...Yeah." his phone buzzed, making them both jump. "That's probably Ellen. I'll go get Matt." he bustled away.

Cas laced up his dress shoes, and tried not to think too much.

-

Eventually, the three of them made it downstairs to where Bobby and Ellen were waiting in their geriatric little car. They all piled in; the chapel was just a short distance away, but it took a while to get there. Sam met them at the curb, looking very dapper indeed in a midnight-blue suit and silver tie. Matteo was swooped out of the car and into his uncle's arms before he could protest.

"I'll keep an eye on him, you guys go and get ready." Sam said, and ambled away with the three-year-old. That left Dean and Cas pretty much on their own. They wandered around outside for a minute before sneaking in through a back door. It was quiet there; the room smelled like incense, and dust motes danced in the sunlight coming through the frosted windows.

"Are we even supposed to be back here?" whispered Dean. It felt like the kind of place you were supposed to whisper in.

"My brothers and I hid from our parents here many times." Cas whispered back.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"It's fine, Dean." Cas sat down on a folding chair. "We have time." Dean hesitated. He could hear the chatter of the wedding party outside, and he wasn't ready to face them just yet. So he found a folding chair of his own and sat down next to Cas.

"I can't believe we're doing this." he didn't even know he'd said it aloud until Cas looked at him.

"I told you, Dean, this room is hardly forbidden-"

"Not that, Cas. This." Dean gestured to both of them. "Us." Cas' eyes crinkled in a smile. "You still wanna do this, right...?"

"Now is hardly the time to ask that."

"I'm serious."

Cas put a hand on Dean's knee. "If I did not wish to marry you, I would not be here." he said simply. "You're getting cold feet. That is normal."

"I guess."

Suddenly the door behind them flew open. A tall, skinny young man came in, clutching a handful of papers. Dean and Cas spun around, and the three just stared at each other for a few heartbeats. Dean broke the silence with a sigh.

"God, Chuck, warn us next time."

"You guys are on in five." said Chuck, as though Dean hadn't spoken. He looked at his watch. "Actually, less than five."

"How'd you know we were back here?"

"Your brother. Now c'mon, everyone's already seated." Chuck turned and hurried back the way he came before they could say anything more.

Now it was Cas' turn to heave a sigh. He reached for Dean's hand. "This is it." he said quietly.

Dean swallowed hard. How long had he been sweating like this? He took Cas' hand and squeezed. "This is it."

-

Everyone was there. Bobby and Ellen, Charlie, Jo, Benny, Kevin Tran and his mother...and a lanky blond guy at the back who, judging by Cas' reaction, was probably his brother. Gabriel stood on one side of the stage, Sam on the other side with Matteo. From the back of the room Dean and Cas watched their guests talk and mingle, and tried not to run screaming from the building.

Chuck appeared. He'd put a suit jacket on over his polo shirt and taken off his glasses, and the overall impression was of a professor late for class. "You ready?" he asked brightly.

"Ready as we'll ever be." sighed Dean. In the background, the processional music started to play. Chuck grinned.

"I hope so, 'cause that's our cue." he gave the pair a thumbs-up, turned and headed off down the aisle. A few seconds later, it was Cas' turn; he gave Dean's hand a quick squeeze before walking up to the altar.

And then - oh god - it was Dean's turn. Is it possible to be both happy and absoutely terrified? He tried not to look at anything but Cas or the altar as he walked; if he did, he was afraid he might freak out completely. Somehow he made it up there in one piece, though, and was able to take a deep breath or two before Chuck started to speak.

"Let us begin." his reedy voice filled the room. "We're here today to celebrate the changing of two individuals into a married couple..."

Dean and Cas weren't listening. Their minds had wandered, to more or less the same place. How was it that in just three years, they had gone from strangers to this? Three years ago, Cas had been homeless and pregnant; Dean had been...well, pretty much nobody. Now they were the parents of an energetic and thriving little boy, and so deeply entwined in each other's lives that it was hard to imagine how they'd ever been apart. Dean came back to reality for just a moment and glanced to his side. Sam was still there, standing tall, but- were those tears in his eyes? God, Sammy, you sap. Further down, there was Matteo, looking proud as one kid can be with the two rings on a pillow. Dean grinned.

"...of the permanent relationship which you are about to enter. Do you both promise to love, respect, and honor each other for the rest of your lives?"

"We do."

"Do you, Dean, take Castiel to be your lawful wedded husband, loving what you know of him and trusting what you do not, as long as you both live?"

"I do." Dean said through his grin.

"And do you, Castiel, take Dean to be your lawful wedded husband, loving what you know of him and trusting what you do not, as long as you both live?"

Cas' eyes sparkled. "I do."

"Do you have the rings?"

Off to the side, Sam bent down to his nephew and whispered, "That's you, buddy!" Matteo jumped into action and came forward with the rings, which they took and exchanged along with their vows. And then came the big moment.

"And now, by the authority vested in me by the State of South Dakota, I pronounce you legally married. You may kiss."

To Dean's surprise, but certainly not his disappointment, Cas beat him to it. In fact, he almost knocked him clear off his feet. When they came up for air, Dean was fairly certain that this was the happiest he'd ever been- and one look at Cas said that he felt the same.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you: Dean and Castiel Winchester!"

-

The reception was a blur. It was a small affair at Bobby's house, and they only stayed a few hours, but they were so high in the clouds that they didn't notice much of it. It was very late by the time Bobby drove them home, and they were both a little tipsy and very, very happy. All the way up to the apartment they clung onto each other. Matteo was staying with Ellen and Bobby, this was the perfect time to be alone together. But once they made it through the door, they were suddenly way too tired for anything but bed. Even getting undressed was too much trouble- especially since they kept interrupting it with both kisses and yawns. Eventually they just gave up altogether.

Cas was the first to collapse into bed. He'd only managed to get his dress shirt and shoes off, but couldn't be bothered to do the rest. Dean fell in after him. With an undignified wriggle, he moved in so they were nose-to nose.

"So. 'Mr. Winchester', huh?"

Cas grinned without opening his eyes. "'S got a nice ring to it."

"You're damn right it does." Dean brought their lips together in a long, slow kiss. He was about to move in for another one when he interrupted himself with a massive yawn. Cas opened his eyes and laughed, low and gravelly against his pillow.

"Go to sleep, Dean. There will be plenty of time for that tomorrow."

Can't argue with that. Dean rolled over just long enough to turn out the light, then rolled back to spoon up against his husband (his **husband** \- how great is that? He repeated that thought a few times just to hear it again). Cas moved too, until he was nestled flush against Dean with one arm around his chest. Their hands twined lazily together. And as they fell asleep, it occured to them that this was just how it should be.

ooOO(00)OOoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and that's it, for now! Hope you enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> If you like the story so far, please leave a comment- I'd love to hear from you!


End file.
